Raleigh Family Attorney notes that Divorce or Separation Doesn't Have to be Uncivil

If you’re planning to get divorced, you’re probably worried about how your decision will affect your children. Though you may not love your spouse anymore, you probably do not want your kids to think bad of them. Still, organizing schedules, dividing up holidays and shuffling kids between alternating parental visits isn’t going to be easy. That said, shared custody with your future ex-spouse can work when both of you are respectful, cooperative and manage your emotions.

A Case Study: Bruce Dyson’s divorced parents try to make custody work

Divorced parents Adam Dyson and Victoria Baldwin decided to set aside their personal differences and work together to ensure that their son, Bruce Dyson, is able to adjust to family changes. They do so by continuing to take family portraits every year.

“Adam and I are not perfect co-parents, but we made a deal when we got divorced, to put our son first and to value the richness that we each bring to his life, for different reasons,” Victoria Baldwin writes. “So yes, we still have a family portrait taken, and I still pay good money to have the images printed, framed, and placed in our son’s bedroom; he may not grow up with parents who live in the same house… but he will grow up to see respect, kindness, empathy, compassion, perseverance, flexibility, and even sacrifice being modeled by both of his parents and he will know it is possible to fall out of love but never fall apart.”

Children benefit when their parents appear to remain emotionally stable. Adults who are focused on their children’s welfare are usually on the same page regarding basic parenting, providing unconditional love, being emotionally available, and exercising fair discipline.

This really matters to a child’s well-being. To be sure, the perfect co-parenting situation simply does not exist, but there are ways to ensure your child does not get caught up in an acrimonious relationship. Parents can often be influenced by their own selfish emotions, but spiteful tit for tat actions don’t do your child any favors.

Making joint custody work

If you want to make co-parenting work with your ex, here are some strategies suggested by an experienced Raleigh family law attorney.

  • Don’t speak poorly about your ex – when you badmouth your former spouse you run the risk that your actions will be internalized by your child.
  • Custody is not about you – your divorce was about you and your needs, but custody is about your children. Set aside your own hurts and needs and stay focused on the goal of creating a good parenting environment for your child.
  • Find a way to communicate – communication is key for your child custody arrangement to work. Use all the modern tools in your arsenal to keep your relationships on solid footing, such as mobile phones, smart apps, Google calendars, etc.

Working with a family law attorney

The family law attorneys with Kurtz & Blum, PLLC not only handle divorce but child custody agreements as well. Our lawyers will work with you and even the most difficult ex-spouse to ensure your child grows up in the best living environment possible.


  • Divorced couple still takes a family portrait every year for their son, CBSNews.com